(This represents the summary conclusion of an online discussion with a good friend) The”adabists”(fervent believers in social étiquette) have it all wrong.Although social niceties have their place in our daily lives they are no substitute for real virtue-like generosity,not bearing grudges and learning to set aside our emotional reactions and not be constantly acting them out.For the Muslims who may be reading this ,they should look at the meaning of the Prophet’s “sublime character”(akhlaq al atheem) mentionned in the Quran. He manifested much ,much more than superficial politeness.He demonstrated ALL of the virtues mentioned above.May Allah send His blessings down upon him sal and all of us through his transmission.Salaams,Ibrahim
The Concrete and the Subtle
The most common mistake people make in managing their lives is that they get stuck on the material plane. Whether it is about money, or the qualities of their houses and cars or even about personal health, it is all in some way part of the illusion that what is important is what is concrete. A powerful illusion, indeed!
Whenever the locals in my region of Quebec give me greetings on New Year saying” I wish you good health.!Health is the most important thing , if I feel they can handle it I respond”If health is the most important variable , we are all scr—-d, since we are all condemned to bad health and death at the end of the process.” No, health as vital as it may be, is not the end goal. In fact, God often tests people with bad health. What really counts is our relationship with Him, not our relationship with our body.But health and longevity has become a new form of idolatry in obvious opposition to the inevitable experience of deteriorating health with age. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It just means it shouldn’t become our religion!
Testing and Learning
Don’t be fooled by outer appearances into thinking things should not have happened that way.You will not only be tested, as Allah promises in the Quran. But this testing will be targeted , specific and evolutive. That is , it will teach you something you could not learn otherwise! Reflect on it. Salaams, Ibrahim
Borderline Personality explored Further
As most psychiatrists I have often been dismissive of the “borderline” appelation. It seemed to be mostly a creation of the psychoanalysts eager to confirm their model separating the neuroses from the psychoses and justifying their initial lack of success with this category of patients.
However,over time,with considerable observation of these people in both my professional and personal life,I now understand better how close they can be to this “border”.In fact, much of the literature on this subject makes short shrift of the psychotic aspects involved.Yes,there is mention of the “brief psychotic episodes” in DSM5 and the psychopharmacologists recommend using atypical antipsychotic meds in some cases.But generally the psychotic aspects are minimized in favour of the “interpersonal sensitivity” and “emotional dysregulation”.
In fact,I believe that, in most cases, there is a wellspring of “paranoia’ lying under the surface which may well be responsible for much of the symptomatology and it is usually not being addressed properly in treatment.So even the best of therapies like DBT(Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) may be ignoring the depth and instead focusing on surface symptoms such as emotional intensity and dysregulation.Although DBT has definite benefits for this form of psychopathology this feature may ,in fact,be limiting its effectiveness.
Now “paranoia’ itself is no easy matter to treat.The key to its detoxification is to be aware of the illusory character of its affect and thought content but again this is no simple task.However, awareness of its presence by both the patient and the people around them should be a vital tool in its management.A judicious and temporary use of low-dose anti-psychotics may be a viable option in some cases.Let us explore together where this new perspective can take us.
Adab (continued)
I am once again forced to question the cultures of Adab and politeness. When people don’t tell you what they are feeling and thinking it often leads to bad communication and increased conflict. So neither the”always be polite” nor the”say it all like it is” mottos work universally. Each situation needs to be assessed on its own merits and specificities. The ”one size fits all” reflexes simply don’t work in the world of reality!
Aspergers ( cont’d)
Aspergers disease is a very subtle phenomenon. Having practiced psychiatry for over fourty years when I evaluated a new patient I often knew what the diagnosis was within a few minutes! However almost every time I didn’t know what it was, it turned out to be Aspergers. That’s because they appear so normal , people assume they are acting in bad faith. Actually there is a neurophysiological pathology involved, one that is not easy to spot and even more difficult to treat. The essential symptom is that “they don’t get it” especially when it involves other people. So we need to adapt to them rather than chastise them. Salaams
Yunus Emre
From the story of Yunus Emre:”On my head is the crown of state(?hal),on my forehead the prostration of obedience, in my blood the victory of power, in my eye the light of sainthood,in my ear the prayer of Mohammed , in my nose the fragrance of love, in my mouth the faith of testimony,in my breast the Quran of wisdom, in my hand the hand of sainthood, at my waist the belt of guidance,at my knee the point of service, at my foot the rules of the way, behind me the appointed time, before me destiny!”Wow. I could so go for that!
“Productivity” And Stress
Such a pleasure flying with Caribbean Airlines compared to Air Canada. None of that” maximum efficiency at all costs” vibe! Someone should start factoring in “stress-induction” in their calculations instead of always thinking “cost-cutting” and “productivity” as the administrators are taught to do in MBA school!
The Power of Social Conditioning
If you don’t believe in the power of social-conditioning, and I didn’t really myself in my younger days, then re-analyze the lives of the three Prophets we know best. Mohammed sal Jesus a.s.and Moses a.s. Almost all the opposition they faced came from socially-conditioned responses!
The Quraish , as the Arab tribes of the time, were socially-conditioned to be idol-worshippers; the Jews who opposed Jesus were socially-conditioned to follow the letter of the Law rather than the spirit; and the Jews who objected to Moses were conditioned by the Egyptians around them to worship animals, thus the Golden cow. So beware.
Although I personally don’t like their approach, I now understand the Hasidim and the Deobandis and certain Christian sects who protect their children from outside influences. How to manage this problem is not clear to me, at this point, but being fully aware of it is a good first step. May Allah help us in this Jihad of values.
Theory vs. Reality
The biggest problem in the modern world,besides a wrong conception about our relationship to our Creator-a whole other subject, is that we are taught to put theory before Reality.And we can see that on every level of societal actions -in politics,in the legal system and even in Science which has become more like theology than about the experimental methodology from which it began..